11/22/2011
DEAR ABBY: There is a girl named Beatrice who I want to prove my love too. I overheard a conversation about Beatrice requites my love. However, based on my bachelor reputation, I had to prove my love to Beatrice before she was willing to love me back by KILLING my best friend, Claudio. Beatrice is asking this because Claudio humiliated her cousin, Hero by leaving her at the altar and saying she was unfaithful. Beatrice has advised me that if I do not do this for her, she could never love me. Now I question what is more important: a friend or a wife?—PROVEN INDECISIVE IN MESSINA.
Dear Proven Indecisive: I can see you are truly in love with Beatrice. Remember that given your reputation, this might be your only chance in finding a woman that loves you back. Your friend Claudio does not seem like a very empathetic man if he is willing to leave Hero at the altar. It might be in your best interest just to duel Claudio (to avoid jail). I can guaranteed you that doing this will satisfy Beatrice’s request and in return, you will be married to her. A hard-earned wife is a better option that an inconsiderate friend. Follow your heart; it is the only way to ever prove your love.